A  friend was recently put in a very awkward situation. All you need is love. She was out to dinner with her man and his friends when someone dropped the L-word in regards to the couple.  “You have told each other you love each other, right?” one of the guys, sensing the chill in the air, said to my friend and her boyfriend of more than four months. Cue tumbleweed, nervous coughing and floor gazing. Say a big welcome to uncomfortable shifting in seats, foot shuffling and topic changes. It was, in a word, awkward.

“When is the right time?” she asked me over coffee later. Everything was going fine in the relationship, she thought she loved him and he loved her but they just hadn’t said the words.And she was damned if she was going to drop the ‘L’ bomb first. I kinda agree with her. It’s like with marriage proposals: when it comes from a woman first, you know in many – if not most – occasions she’s going to spend the rest of her life wondering if he only ever said yes because she posed the question. There have been times when I’ve been the one to say “I love you” first, and times when I’ve been the one who’s had to deal with a guy saying it to me when my feelings weren’t exactly on the same level. There have also times where I’ve melted when a guy has said those words to me, which sounds so stupid to say (or write) because they are just, well, words.

Askmen.com suggests men zip their lips and never say it before a girl says it. CNN says a woman should give the man the time and space to come around and say it at their own pace. A lady, they say, never says the L word first. Others seem to suggest there should be a three-month “rule”… would you agree with this? Say it once, say it a thousand times. There’s so much pressure. Want to say it but want to make sure the time is right, want to make sure it’s reciprocated (in most cases), don’t want to be laughed at and want the other person to like that you said it. Urgh, it gives me a headache.

Anyway, it raises the question: When is the right time to tell someone you love them? Is there a minimum time a couple should wait before saying those three little words to ensure that one has had enough time to think things through? Or is after a day, a week, a fortnight, okay? (Don’t laugh, I know plenty of couples who have said it that quickly.) It should be the easiest thing to say, so why is it often the hardest?

And what do you do if too much time has passed… and the words just never came?

By GREER McDONALD – The Dominion Post              Last updated 09:30 07/09/2009

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