I’m not sure that most of us possess that perspicacity. Many of us like to think that we are excellent judges of character – able to sum someone up with a look, judge a book by its cover.  Is that really possible?

I have friends and relatives that, when I meet them, I can tell something is up.  I can easily enough see when they are “off their milk”, sad, hiding something, up to no good or whatever you want to call it.  But there are other people that I know less well or I cannot read at all well.

And then there are sides to people’s character that we cannot access at all.  If every con man was able to be easily read then not quite so many of us would be taken in.  If it was easy to tell what someone was really like when put under pressure, when crossed, when short of money, when angry and upset then it’s highly likely that the divorce statistics would be smaller for a start.

None of us can completely know what someone else is capable of.  And that is true for good and for bad.  There are predictors, sure.  The first 5 years of life are perhaps the most definitive.  If someone has a very difficult first half decade then they often have great problems with trust, with affection and with self-control.

But fortunately there is no simple equation – people can rise above their own difficulties and their poor beginnings.  The world is full of people who despite great difficulties have managed to make something great of their lives.  Every day we celebrate the successes of people who rise above the ordinary to show leadership, courage, compassion and kindness.

And unfortunately the converse is true too.  Out of the one household, children of the same parents can be great, creative, talented and constructive or they can be every possible combination of a whole lot less than that.

All of us have sides to our character.  We all have the ability to rise above our circumstances and conversely we all have the ability to descend to the depths of what is possible, to what is dark, negative and scary.  Sometimes the little triggers that cause that to happen make no sense to the rest of humanity.

Virtue and sin co-exist in our repertoire of capabilities.  Virtues tend towards being good habits that we develop with the help of others and God’s grace.  We all know we are capable of a life less than virtuous too.

And while we are on about measuring our own capabilities let’s not be quick to jump to conclusions about others.  I’m very impressed by the family we are praying with here.  They are doing their best to hold it all together.  That has to be an almost impossible task.  Let’s help them by accepting that they love every member of the extended family.

Let’s pray for families torn apart by sadness, conflict and anger.  Let’s ask too for the graces we need to develop virtues and minimise our own sinfulness.  As Easter approaches we can see quite simply the results of selfless love.

We joke in NZ that everyone is related to everyone else – and in many respects it seems that the one degree of separation we laugh about makes a tragedy like this all the more palpable.

We cannot help but feel sad, lost, bereft for those who have died and for their families.  We watch faces of people waiting, hoping against hope for some news and realise only too well that as hope fades for these people the not-knowing will probably give way to even more pain.

But there have been great highlights in the middle of everything else.  The support we have received from around the world has been fantastic: whether just a simple text message or email or phone call, or other help.  Queries to those of us who have family in Christchurch, messages from friends and acquaintances worldwide – from people once-met across the globe.  And hundreds of police and rescuers sent from Australia, the USA, Taiwan, Japan, Singapore, China, the UK – old friends and new, bolstering a huge contingent already hard at work.

The police, the military, medical staff, USAR and Earthquake Commission people, Scientists and engineers, the National and Local Government, Mayor Parker, PM John Key… amazing people, back to it every day offering hope, expressing for us all the grief and bewilderment we feel.

So while it has been hard it’s also been heart-warming to know we’ve been prayed for, thought of and kept in mind all over the globe.  It’s only when things really are bad that you become conscious that you are loved and cared for by people from all parts of the earth.  It’s at times like this that you realise that the unbounded generosity, the resilience of the human spirit, and the courage and compassion of fellow human beings is what makes carrying on in the face of such pain and desolation possible.

Let us continue to pray for those who have lost their lives, for those still missing, for their loved ones and for everyone living and working in Christchurch.  We love you. We are with you.

Manners are however part of the social glue that helps us all to get along with each other.  I enjoy it when someone lets me into the queue of cars heading onto the motorway.  I grumble under my breath when someone lacks the foresight to understand that the swing door let go is likely to clip the elderly person walking three paces behind them.

I think however part of the “I don’t know my neighbours” experience we have today is an anonymising (is that a word?) of everyone and everything.  Part of what kept me in line on the way to school was the fact that I passed by Mrs Prendeville’s house and my Dad’s work. Having red hair did not help because I could always be identified as the one with Ginger hair!

Today though when I get on a bus, even if I get on the same bus, same time every day – generally speaking I don’t know anyone on the bus to speak to.  That means that the social glue I used to experience is well and truly worn out.  It also means that no one on the bus can ever say – “that’s Tim from number 47.” So if I make a fool of myself I don’t care because no one knows who I am.

That is neither an excuse nor a reason for bad manners. A gentleman, as my grandmother used to say, uses a handkerchief whether he is in town or on the farm. Bad language used “with the farm dogs” is of no use when you can hear it from the farmhouse, she used to add.

Other social change means that I no longer know whether I should stand for a younger woman, whether I should hold the door for an older man, whether I should gently chastise a child for not having manners.  At church I feel embarrassed to be a man because men are chauvinist, condescending and patriarchal. Sorry I bothered coming! Young women think I am stupid when I stand on the bus  – well they do until they are pregnant and then they start to understand.  Older people look at my white hair and almost have to do a rock, scissors and paper hand game to work out is it me or them that needs the seat.

Lord, its all as clear as mud what other people want.  All I’d like is the person on the bus to say to me “Hi, It’s a nice day today isn’t it.”

Sometimes good manners, polite action, generosity and magnanimity today shock us.  We have to some extent become more and more alienated from others in society.  What used to be a community of people that knew each other in most neighbourhoods – today with everyone at work and study during the day the communities we were raised in quite often just seem impersonal.

The truth is however that we all long to belong.  We all want to be a part of a community of people who do care about each other, who will go the extra mile, who really would help when things go wrong.  And so when the quake struck at the heart of Christchurch last Sunday – people everywhere leapt into action.

Somehow we expect electricians and plumbers and power workers and city council waste water consultants to spring into action after a natural disaster, oh yes and nurses and doctors, surgeons, specialists, radiographers and all the other allied health professionals too.  Of course every one of these men and women have upset families and homes and lives turned upside down by the earthquake.

But its really heart warming when the neighbour you’ve seen many a time but never spoken to just calls by to check that you and yours are all OK.  And you know that the lady next door lives alone and does not have family in town and is likely to be scared so you pop by just to check and offer assistance night and day.

Some people like to see human nature as flawed or frail – the truth is the indomitability of goodness lies just beneath the surface, and an occasion such as this gives us all the opportunity to act like we would like to every day.

Made in the image and likeness of God we can really rise to the occasion.  We pray that the people of Canterbury may soon be the even better community that their generous actions this week indicate they can be.

I suppose the government had to introduce some scheme so that people could begin to invest again without losing the house! And yes, we are in the global financial crunch, as it’s called, because people who borrowed money could not be relied upon to pay it back – with or without interest!  But, I presume and hope that the government guarantee extends as far as what people invested in these sometimes dodgy financial schemes.  I certainly hope our money is not paying their interest too.

When someone says –“I can make you money if you lend me some cash”, I suspect we all like to think that’s a better deal than leaving it rotting in the bank.  For many years the Church was against the paying of interest on a loan – which was called the crime or sin of Usury.  Today in more (modern and enlightened?) times we save usury to mean an interest rate that is exorbitant.

We pay to use someone’s car at Hertz and Avis so we should pay to use someone’s money.  But the golden rule of investing, lending and borrowing is still true.  If the deal is too good to be true then it is too good to be true.  So what I’m saying is – if you invest your money with Mr Shonky at Getmerichquick.com then is it any wonder your investment is worth very little very soon.

So should the rest of us pay for your stupidity… well no, I don’t think we should.  So I hope that the government soon slows down these companies and we don’t have to bail out every poor investor and stupid finance company.

The government the other day declined to stop some finance companies charging exorbitant interest.  Those thieves certainly need their legs broken!  Oops, you know what I mean.

Lord, save us from the unscrupulous and from ourselves when we think that making money is better than making friends and being generous.

The truth, however we package it, is that young people so often do not know what many of us have learnt the hard way.  Unfortunately sometimes the hard way for them is way too hard.

Adolescence is commonly described as a period of increased impulsiveness and risk-taking behaviour. It is the time when we learn new skills almost daily and perfect others – tasks like driving not only require quite significant hand-eye coordination and visuospatial distinction but they also require a sense of the real risks associated with manoeuvring a half ton weapon (the car) at high speeds.

Alcohol is a drug which increases impulsiveness and encourages risk taking.  That is why it should not be in the hands of those who are least likely to cope with it.  initially it affects us by making us less self conscious and more outgoing.  As a teenager that is quite often exactly the desired effect – fun, a good time, a few laughs, forging a position of some distinction in the group of one’s peers – these all seem like worthwhile uses for alcohol to the initiate.  If a couple of drinks can achieve that – then the argumentation goes – how much more is possible with twice that amount, or for that matter ten times that amount.  Alcohol at that level makes us unconscious.

There is a whole other level of responsibility that adults, lawmakers, teachers, parents and caregivers are required to exercise to protect the young and the vulnerable.  Rights yes, and responsibilities too.

Lord we ask you to care for James and his parents now in their time of greatest need.  May the love they have for each other be the love that sustains them.  May James’s life and death help other young people to see how fragile is the gift of life.  May those who make our laws always keep in mind their need to protect the vulnerable.

The two cases presented for our consideration here are in a remarkable way made more complex by the fact that they seem to have been “tragedies in the making” for quite some time. When people offend and the justice system fails to keep us safe from the offender we seem to be fools waiting for the next chapter in what has often already been a long history of crime, violence and little regard for the common good. At the same time I am never sure exactly how behaviour can be predicted and exactly how we know that x or y or z should be locked up with the key thrown away.  Certainly recidivist drink drivers should be banned from driving after serving their sentence – but can they realistically be held in jail for the rest of their lives?

Past behaviour is certainly the best predictor or future action.  But sometimes a person can change, sometimes a person can see the error of their ways, sometimes repent and reform.  Are we that cynical that we can no longer trust in the possible innate goodness of others? Without doubt the security of all is a constant concern of the police and the judicial system.  Judges, prosecutors and the Parole Board are all the time weighing the common good against the good of the individual.  We will of course at times err with our presumption of innocence before guilt is proven.  That being the case – and without resorting to a police state where everyone is locked up at every opportunity mistakes are going to happen. And sadly tragedies result.

Today however we seem to be unable to cope with a mistake made by anyone without wanting recourse, retribution and accountability that include someone “falling on their sword”.  It’s my opinion that if we want the beauties of the democratic and judicial system e have then we have to at times accept that mistakes will have tragic consequences. That does not reduce my sympathy for what others have to suffer.

This Weeks Reflections

• Victims’ families want to prosecute (News item)
• You can’t always predict future behaviour
• We always want to blame
• Restorative is more effective

I saw a programme on TV a few years ago and was astounded by my own naiveté at never having realised that many of the barons of business in NZ were in fact ethnically Jewish and/or religiously as well.  In fact I felt proud of the fact that I’d never even heard that household names like Hallensteins, Hannahs, Myers, the beer magnate of Lion Nathan, and several others were of Jewish origin.

So when I read that the Pope has recently been trying to mend fences with the Jewish people of Rome and at the same time promoting the cause of Pius XII I start to wonder what all the fuss is about.

Forgiveness leads to closure
No I am not at all a holocaust denier – Of the atrocities that happened in the last century there is none worse than the systematic genocide of the Jewish people across Europe.  And I know that at the funeral of every serviceman or woman I’ve attended I have heard or seen two phrases “Lest we forget” and “We will Remember.”

It is indeed wonderful that we remember those who gave their lives for the sake of freedom, and that we do not forget those who had their lives taken from them in the same conflagration. But, we also need to be able to forgive and almost forget – we cannot forever live hating everyone from Germany or Japan.  We have to move on.  It has become a commonplace saying now that people need to be able to grieve and move on.  We call that experience “closure”.

In countries where people cannot reach closure we are doomed to repeat over and over the same rivalries that have fuelled conflicts in the past century in the Middle East, in Ireland, in the Baltics and elsewhere.  Until there is forgiveness it is impossible to reach closure on hatred.

I remember being hauled into the Deputy Principal’s office of a school in which I was teaching to give a “second opinion” on a boy the DP was about to expel for buying marijuana at lunch time.  I said – “Well, I guess Mr X we could give John a second chance.  Perhaps make him do A and B, and monitor his behaviour over the next period of time – to see whether there really is an improvement – or whether his pleas that it won’t happen again are right.”

“I don’t think so,” replied the DP.

In fact I knew the boy well, taught him Biology and knew his parents socially.  I’m not sure what ground my willingness to give him a second chance was based on – whether it was my willingness to be compassionate or merciful – or was it just my gutlessness at facing his parents next time – or was it that I had become the type of person that just turns away when a stand needs to be made – unwilling to be counted among those making it.

And when is a second chance – or a third, or 7 times 70 for that matter just a stupid refusal to face the facts that no matter how forgiving or liberal you are people are going to let you down time and time again.

Hone is no different to a lot of people who shoot their mouths off before thinking about what they say.  John, the boy who made that lunchtime purchase was not doing anything that another dozen or more of his cohort would not have done either.

Do I forgive, Again?  Or do I stand for what is right and get rid of the person who is the problem?  Do I force them further away from reason and good influences?

I can see why many people just don’t even want to get involved.